How to glow in the dark – for real. A short Decemberstory for all.

This is a special story written for my fellow english-speaking friends.

If you prefer to listen to the story, just press play.

The persons in the story: The daughter, the son, the mother, the father and the storyteller.

The kitchentable
(the original arena)

-Whaaat! The teenager accidently yelled back at her father, wanting her attention at the kitchentable. She looked up at him and realized he was not the only one. The whole family looked back at her. She had lifted her head to check out what was going on. For a second she hesitated. Was there something that happened that was important for her to know? The answer came automatically. No. She passed the salt to her father and her attention was back to her safespace. The little square feeding her with all she needed to survive. The family continued eating together. Silently. Today as well.

The persons around the table

The daughter
I really do hate to sit with my family while eating. This “desperate need” to talk about things irrelevant for everybody. At least nothing relevant for me! After my mother came back from that course for her “personal development-bla-bla-bla” the table used to be a “mobile-free-zone” but now she seems to have forgotten all about it. No – wait. It was after I confronted her it changed back. She couldn’t let go of the phone herself so I challenged her and won the debate. If SHE could look, I could look and than that was it.  

It´s not that I don’t like my family. They just really don’t understand me. And honestly I am not interested in understanding them. Mom and dad sometimes talk about their teenager-years and think they know everything about how it is now! But they don’t understand anything!

Would I like a mobile-free table? No! Come on! From what century are you? How could I stay in contact with my friends? I have too many friends for that! And exactly where would I get all the information I need and keep myself updated with the persons I follow?

How do I feel about it? What kind of question is that? I don’t need to feel anything. It is all there. After 10 minutes online I have a cocktail of feelings and I can experience everything! How I myself feel inside? Hmm. I never thought of that. But I guess….well …..                                     It is sort of a cold and numb feeling inside sometimes                                                                     So I rather not talk about it.

The son
At our dinnertime it is mostly mom and sometimes dad that does most of the talking. I don’t really say anything. Why not? I don´t have anything to say that would interest them. I tried to tell them a few times, when I had a new game or a character had a new task and how I solved that real smooth. They look at me and I could see they were trying hard to look interested, but I know a frozen look when I see one. They were just being polite and not interested in me at all. Have I always been like that? I don’t know. I think so. But now that you are asking, there was a situation. I had just reached out for a guy playing from Australia. We had a chat for over an hour and at dinnertime I was so excited I forgot to be quiet. When I told my folks about it they started asking all these awkward questions, like – “Do you know this guy? How old is he? How much did you tell him about yourself and us and where we live” and so on. But hey – are they not trusting me at all? I got angry and left the table. They never asked anything after that. I guess they don’t care what I do. And that´s the best.                        I think.                         At least most of the time.

Would I like a mobilefree table? Sure. I hardly ever use my phone and don´t need any zone for phones. 24 hours without a computer? Come on! You really don’t know anything about gaming – do you? The answer is no! My parents tried to limit my gamingtime but I went to a friends place and could sit there instead of “being out” and solved it in my own way.

How do I feel about that? About what? Them trying to limit my gaming? Screw them I do it the way I want to. Meeting friends? Sure I do! What kind of question is that. I meet them online every day. IRL? Why would I? Is there really anything in the real world that is better than what the computer offers?!

The mother.
I HATE how the kitchentable have become an arena of numbness and probably dishonesty. I am not the only one to blame but we are the adults and as such I have really tried to do my best when it comes to trying to have nice conversations. Sometimes the dad in the house is helping, but most times no. When there is a Friday mood and a good week, and a couple of beers while cooking he is quite amusing. But other days, meaning Sunday to Thursday - not so. Or to be honest - not at all so. Today he got angry at our daughter for not passing the salt quickly enough. We all woke up and looked, first at him and then at her. She still didn’t hear so he yelled at her. Real loud. As if she was a dog! I was about to say something but then I had a message on the phone and had to take that first.

Would I like a mobilefree table? You caught me on a weak spot there! I went to a Leadershiptraining and with the good talks we had there I realized how addicted I was to that little square! It was really freeing having good conversations without it. So when I tried to do the same thing making our own kitchentable a wifi-free zone I was so sure they would all love it. HOW WRONG I WAS. They really did a big thing of “being forced” to having conversations I quote “NOBODY was interested in having”. Big trauma according to our daughter. And a couple of days after she caught me catching a glimpse of an important message while eating. I knew I blew it. Well - screw that! It is better to finish the dinner fast and then let me go on with my life the way I want it. 

How do I feel about that? Honestly? I cry myself quietly to bed sometimes. Remembering the good conversations we had around the kitchentable in my old home. Warm. Angry. Happy. Jealous. Joyful. ALL feelings there and I learned a lot. So I feel lots inside. But nowadays I don’t let it show. I don’t think the kids cares about me....                             and…                              I wonder if he really sees me as his woman anymore?

The father
Sometimes it feels like I don’t really know the persons I am sharing my home with. I did try quite hard to be a good dad and when we were younger we went out in the garden and just played soccer or threw balls back and forth. Life was really not so complicated back then, but now? My son barely says anything anymore and when he does, well I don’t know anything about gaming and that seems to be his whole life. So I don’t know what we could talk about anymore. I realize I gave up talking to him quite a while ago.

When was the last time he showed feelings in front of you?  A few weeks ago I remember him coming happy to the dinner table and for once, showing his feelings. And he said he met someone. I was so happy to hear that, thinking he met a girl. But then he said in Australia, and I realized it was only some bloke he met over the game. I got so disappointed, and it must have shown because after a while he went back to his room with his shoulders down. Chased by his mothers harsh questions about “security over the internet and being careful” as if she was expecting the guy to come here and rub us all. She does really exaggerate sometimes and when I tell her she gets angry with me saying she does her best to keep this family in harmony. But it´s a long time ago we laughed together as we used to.

My relation to my daughter? Does she even know or care who I am? I asked her three times about passing the salt last week. Frankly I cannot remember her saying one kind word to me in a long time. If I said something nice to her? Hm. Well I might have, but with earplugs she wouldn’t hear it anyway. If I gave up on my family? Tough question! I don’t know. Maybe I gave up on myself.

One year after the concert.

The daughter.
I realize now that the concert was an eyeopener to me. Suddenly I had a vision of the future and could see the black and dark image of myself, sitting at the table with my phone – happy with my “Neon-God”. When I looked up my family was all gone. My parents had become strangers to me and my brother who always picked on me was physically glued to his screen. I thought they had left me all alone. But I realized in that moment - that I had left them. Spending time with fakeness. Becoming empty of my own feelings. Building a digital wall around me where the ones I love couldn’t reach me. Even if they tried.

How do I feel now? I love that question. I feel alive! I can create and FEEL my own feelings. All of them. I will never ever go back to that numbness of not knowing and feeling myself at all. It was dark and really hunting me from the inside and blocking – ME. When I was busy looking at everybody else I forgot myself. From now on I trust only myself being me. Thankyou for your listening to me and I hope you enjoy your day too! I am afraid have to go now. It is dinner at moms and dads place, and I wouldn’t want to miss that for the world!

Advice for other youngsters? Hm. Good question. I think listening to music and being in nature kept me awake. Are you a parent? Remember – you need to be there for your kids fully when they are living at home. Make sure you let go of your own addictions to anything that tries to steal your attention from what you choose to be important in your life – hopefully your family and your best and closest friends.

The son.
Sometimes thinking back really scares me and I never want to go back to that state of mind ever ever again. Thinking it was easier to sit by my computers, than being in the real world. Numbing myself out. When I had been in there long enough, I unconsciously got scared to go out and meet the real world. Now I know and really understand at a deeper level, that virtual relations definitely CANNOT replace real relations. The concert really gave me a heart opener.

The telephone rings – Oh sorry! My girlfriend is waiting in the car outside. We are going to my parents’ place to eat. She really enjoys my family. And she really enjoys me. If I am scared to feel? No. Not any longer. If I would not dare to love her, I would not dare to live. And that’s the big change for me. I LIVE fully now. Before, I was just and sometimes just barely – alive. Yes, I feel fully alive. And I am happy. Yes goddammit – I dare to be happy.

Any advice for other youngsters? Nah- more to their parents. Never stop spending real time with your kids! They are by your side for only a few years. If you want a relationship with them, you need to never give up. You need to sharpen up and let go of your own addictions and be there fully thus not just being a carbon print by the kitchen table. My mom and dad did a real change, and I am happy for that. Bye Ms Fairy, have a great day you too. And thankyou! You are the best!

The mother
I am so much looking forward to our son and daughter coming home! And my son’s girlfriend. She is really humble and kind and I am happy for them both! Looking back, I thought he would never meet anyone “IRL”. I am so happy I was totally wrong. After the concert everything changed. For them and for me. In so many ways. We are there for each other.

What has changed the most for me? I am fully alive. I live my life not through anybody else and especially I don’t live my life through that little black square that prompted and stole so much attention from me for nonsense-stuff. Or in fact, I allowed it and many randomly and unknown senders in it, to steal from me. I let them steal my energy, my attention, my life and valuable time. Time that I wanted to do something important. Making a difference. For myself and for others.

Am I still married? Yes. We are married and we even re-married just to mark the difference in our relationship. But it was very close. If my man would not have chosen to also work with himself, and his way of behaving, it would have stopped right there. He was turning to the road of bitterness. Not realizing he was the one in charge of his life and nobody else. And I was turning to the road of being a “victim”. Not only thinking, but also wrongly believing I couldn’t be in charge of my life, myself. What the recipe is? Know thyself as from an old expression, or just Self insight on a deeper level. Choosing a guide and trainer to realize my strength on the inside. Finding habits that were good for me and implementing them in my life. AND realizing habits and patterns that were not good for me, that I was holding on to. Can I give an example? Yep. I realized I wanted everyone to like me. So I was nice to everyone all the time. However, I forgot being nice to myself and at one point I realized I was not respecting the one I had become. So, I changed. And I am happy for that in so many ways. So is my husband. We are really enjoying each other’s company, especially after the son and the daughter left home this year.

So I am most grateful to Ms Fairy. I sometimes wonder why Ms Fairy came to us. She left us now. I think that she left me a gift and I can nowadays be just like her. Asking small open questions without judging, listening carefully, accepting what is and not being so tight up with neither the future nor the past. More in the present I would say. I am most grateful for meeting her. So thankyou Ms Fairy wherever you are.

The father
It was SOOO close. I almost lost her. My wife. Being so tucked in myself and not letting her in anymore. Not that she had so much time for me. I realize now I was jealous about her growing and becoming more sure of herself. I was so scared that she would leave me when she got tired of me, that I helped her on the way. Instead of being interested of her journey and self-development I quipped her. Told her loudly she said ridiculous things, prompting her to be more realistic, like me. Not letting that mumbo-jumbo get into our house and our family. How wrong I was. You were wrong? Yes. And I can admit that without any trouble now; I was wrong! And I am proud of allowing the change to come into my life. After all I was ready for it. Being bitter eats you from the inside until there is nothing left of me on the outside of myself. I was neither being nice to myself nor to my family. I had absolutely lost my curiosity and that made my life empty of true joy.

How do I feel now? I am indeed a happy man. I finally took the chance of working with a coach – or she calls herself a trainer of life – and I enjoy life. I enjoy myself, my family and my friends. I also enjoy work more. A side effect I am most happy for. And so are my colleagues. Do I work more? Yes and no. I work less hours, but when I work I am fully at work, making a difference. Oh -sorry – I am afraid I have to go. My daughter is joining me for a concert. We really like the same kind of music. You said you really wanted to tell me something important. Yes! I want to thankyou for coming into all of our lifes. I remember I wished for someone – even an angel - to come and help us – and I realize that was you. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart. And I ask, can I do something in return for you Ms Fairy? Thankyou for asking. Yes. I wish that you from now on become the greatest listener in the arenas you visit. To listen truly to the persons you meet and passing on this gift that I gave you. I will do so. I will from now on be the one who listens carefully. Have a good flight – Ms Angel Fairy. I will think of you, but not miss you because you are here – right here in my heart.  

So – what happened? What woke these familymembers up? What could wake anyone up?

Well – there are three things.
First; Your own courage of meeting who YOU really are.
Second; Having someone that really listens to you – fully. Not judging. Accepting you as you are right now. Trusting your journey and simply support you on the way.
Third: A wake-up moment where the bells are ringing so loud you realize you cannot continue this way– and you suddenly see things clearly. You see – YOU. The one you really are.

The concert.
(Arena for the waking up)

The son
I won the concert ticket on a game that just happened to show up. I wasn’t going, but then the ads kept on coming, and I really like the band “Disturbed” so I went. And I am happy for that. The whole concert came through to – my heart. Especially that cover – even though I didn’t know it was a cover.

I wrote this on the web: When I heard "Disturbed" do this cover, I actually had goose bumps from head to toe. By the time it got to the end, I had tears in my eyes. "Disturbed" have brought a great deal of justice to this song I understand was already a great hit, and will carry on it's legacy for many, many years. Out of the millions of views of this video, I'm sure at least 1000 are mine. “People writing songs that voices never share. Cause no one dares. Disturb the sounds of silence”. I realize it´s time for the world to hear MY voice! And I will never ever be silent again when I have something important to say.

The song? Its here. Make sure to silence the commercial first :) and go fully in the space of listening. (search for disturbed Sound of silence or klick on the link)
Disturbed - The Sound Of Silence (Official Music Video) [4K UPGRADE] - YouTube

The daughter
My friends were all going to the concert – they said. But then it turned out I was the only one who really bought the ticket. I wasn’t gonna go, but then my phone just cracked and I had to leave it for reparation for 48 hours!! So I did something very unlikely me – I went by myself. To my surprise, I saw my brother there – and we had seats next to each other!

I …. Hm its hard-to-find words. But I lost myself completely. Or – maybe found me? And I cried. And I saw my brother in the golden light. He did too. We both knew this was kind of magic and I chose to accept and embrace it fully. “And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made”. That sentence was going to follow me for a long time. Freeing myself off of my addiction to my phone. For it had been an addiction. And now I was aware. From now on I will make MY choice to where and to whom I want to GIVE my attention. That is including myself and my own creativity that is thriving.

The mother
My husband really surprised me. He got us tickets for a concert. I was first not wanting to go – some kind of heavy metal? I didn’t know the bloke. But my husband assured me – they do covers as well of Simon and Garfunkel. They are releasing their version of “Sounds of silence”. And he got me there. I LOVE that song. The music in it but, it struck me – I never really listened to the words so I looked up the lyrics. “People hearing without listening. People talking without speaking”. It is really describing the time we are living in now. Also in our family….

We went. And am I ever happy for that. It was a true turning point in my life. I had been walking in the wrong direction. Suddenly becoming fully aware of that gave me – hope. Hope and determination. I would walk on choosing the right way. And I hoped that would be together with him I chose once, my husband. A marriage is like being two squirrels running in spirals around the tree. And we were far apart now. He had to climb too but that was his choice.

The father
I cannot count how many ads I saw in the city about this concert. As soon as I forgot about it, there was another sign. So almost as my legs were walking by themselves, I got us tickets. When I came home, I realized I was really scared. What if she would not go with me? “Hello darkness my old friend. I´ve come to talk to you again.”

I knew that the question I asked her was not only going to be an answer for the concert, but for our walk of life together. Yes or no? And I chose to dare to ask!

She said yes. And I just knew, this was going to be a turning point for me and hopefully for our marriage. I knew I was going to have to dare to climb the tree to catch up with her.

I cried when I saw the screen showing the music video behind the singer, really changing the reality of the words of the old Simon and Garfunkel song. I suddenly realized how much I wanted to be in that boat. And I would from now on work hard for it. Hopefully with her by my side.

I looked up at the audience – and suddenly I saw them. And they saw me. My son and my daughter. It was as if a light had shown us the way. I told my wife, and we waved silently. And we all knew. We were going to make it different from now on and valuing the precious time we still had together as a family. This too shall pass. But today is today. And now is now. And an array of golden moments are easily carried in life as guiding lights for future moments. I wish you all a warm winter. And remember. If you want great listeners around you – start being one yourself. You will be surprised.

Too glow in the dark you need someone that shines the light on you and truly listens.

This story has a special thanks to my friend Lotta Nilsson, also member of Spark Groups, who inspired me to think of the essence in this song by Simon and Garfunkel in a way I havent been thinking of before. It inspired me to start writing this story.

Sounds of silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming

And the sign said, "The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence“

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Paul Simon